Tending the garden.

Disclaimer – I cannot be held responsible for the small amount of vomit that might rush up the back of your throat. If an ageing female is something that distresses you or fills you with disgust, please read no further.

Rules – let’s get this straight, this post is not for my son in Laws!! You are most definitely NOT allowed to read this, it may damage you. Nor is it for anyone else a little squeamish about the human body and aging!

We’re all getting older, day by day, minute by minute, nothing we do other than try our best to have  healthy lifestyle can stop it. If we’re lucky, many remain in good health.  Having recently reached the ripe old age of 50, I’ve been thinking what that means for me, how’ve I changed over the years. I don’t feel old, in fact sometimes I actually feel younger than I have in years, as I don’t feel held back the same worrying about what people might think. What I do feel is that maybe I have just passed the crest of the hill and am now free wheeling down the other side. Do you feel the same? Fifty something is definitely the new thirty something.

I don’t intend to grow old gracefully, growing old disgracefully sounds much more fun. However, I am still learning.

Today I had an evening to myself and decided to have a nice relaxing bath and attend to all the bodily things that I let slip far more now I am of an age. I do wonder when I stopped making an effort for my husband, when I stopped getting up early to look attractive for him, now it is definitely for me. But he’s still here having seen me at my very best and my very worst (giving birth, having sleepless nights due to what arrives when giving birth and the times for some reason alcohol had a completely different affect on me and he had to listen to me looking for redemption down the toilet). There haven’t been many of those occasions over the years and they were a long time ago, but the couple there were, were definitely not pretty. So tonight was for me, a time to remove the velcro fuzz from my legs, pamper my body with moisturising cream that was going to make me young. Removing the whisker from my chin, yes I have a whisker, just 1 but it keeps returning and sprouting. That was definitely an I’m getting older moment when I discovered that. I keep tweezing it out but the little bugger keeps returning all spiky and standing straight up to try and get noticed!! You can imagine my alarm and immediate google to see what was happening when I discovered this!! Apparently, according to google, this is very, very common and the fact that mine is blonde and difficult to see does make me lucky. It is far more common than I realised for ladies to actually shave and Marilyn Monroe was someone who regularly used a razor on her face as do many top models as it allows a smoother application of makeup. It is a myth the hairs will suddenly grow back thicker and stronger like a male beard. The part you cut is already dead but the bluntness of the cut can make it appear more visible. People with dark hair may want to use one of the other facial hair remover methods as regrowth will be much more obvious unless you’re wanting to shave every couple of days. I’ve yet to resort to the razor, but would certainly be willing to give it a go if time makes it necessary.


This did get me thinking, when I was younger, there was no google, how were we meant to learn all these things. Todays young ladies can look up lessons on how to apply the perfect eyeliner (something I still haven’t mastered) or the new sculpting make up techniques. But ladies of my age just had to have a go in the mirror, numerous times we must have gone out with panda looking eyes, not the smoky sexy images we see today.

This leads me on to the next dilemma. The lady garden. Now other than when I had my 3 children, all by caesarean and a nice nurse shaved my lady garden each time. I’ve never really paid much attention. Occasionally I’ve used a pair of scissors for a quick trim, but only to stop me tripping over the stragglers or having to tuck them in my socks. I’ve also made sure that a swimming costume didn’t have too much bush on show.


But that’s it, thats as far as my garden tidying has ever gone. Mainly because the itch from the regrowth after having my children was nearly as unbearable as the clips holding my guts together!!

The modern lady though has much more gardening to do!


Do they teach this at school, how do they know that when they get to a certain age they are meant to take away some hair, choose a pattern or is it not as common as I’m lead to believe? Is it supposed to be part of the talk about birds and bees with teenagers or is the learning all done from magazines and the internet? If I was meant to have this discussion with my 3 girls, I’m sorry as I didn’t. I hope they’ve managed to learn the skills necessary to make them feel sexy and attractive.


But geez, it makes my eyes water just thinking about it!

Let’s let Marilyn Monroe have the last word; ” Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”



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